Parenting

I have spent quite some time recently pondering parenthood. I can state with absolute confidence that my children grew up knowing that they are unique and loved...by us (their parents), their extended family, their church, their friends but first and foremost, by God. While we were far from perfect parents, we did the best we could to give them the confidence and wisdom they would need to be viable adults.

Children are a gift of God and as with every gift, there is responsibility. Parents have to be ready and willing to stand up with and for their children. But they must also be strong enough to be the authority in their child's life. We must have the confidence to say "no" even though it may hurt their feelings or make them angry. Children do not have the wisdom or experience to "be in charge". If we are not an example, how do they learn? If we only seek to be their friend, we do them great harm.

I cannot give you a fool proof formula for raising a child. Each child is different, each environment is different, each parent is different. There are hundreds if not thousands of books on the market that promise to give you the answers but there is no way that a book can know you and your child well enough to tell you how to raise them. The guidance that parents require comes from prayer and submission to God.

As they grew, my husband and I encouraged our children to think, to debate, to have an opinion. We had quite lively conversations at the dinner table each night. Now even though we worked to inspire them to think on their own, we did not leave them to their own devices. We reserved the right to veto those things we felt were harmful or wasteful. We guided them when we saw they were headed in what we felt was the wrong direction. And we pulled rank anytime we knew they had not looked at the big picture and were wrong in their decisions. We set boundaries that some of their friends felt were a little "too" strict. And there were expectations that were not allowed to be questioned. Although we wanted to encourage their individuality, they grew up knowing they had to answer to higher authority.

We (as parents) made a pact that we would never belittle them or their thoughts and opinions. As they grew older, they were allowed to make their own decisions about certain aspects of their lives...as long as we felt they had considered all the options. We did the best we could to teach them to think and consider how their actions will affect themselves and others.

Now that they are adults, they make their own decisions and don't need us...most of the time. But once in a while, the phone rings, a discussion begins and it brings joy to my heart to know that they still want and need our guidance. We must have done something right!