Mama...

would have been 74 years old today. Unfortunately she passed when she was only 49. 

As I look back, I know she had issues...and didn't always handle them well. But one thing she did was love me...for all of us who miss our Moms from time to time and for all who are still able to be with them...

Families

Due to circumstances that have been described at other times our household is currently comprised of my husband, my grandson (daughter's child) and my grown son...oh, and me! Although I'm outnumbered 3 to 1, I can joyfully say that the men (all 3 of them) in my family lovingly defer to "the mama"!

Because of her circumstances and career at the time, grandson came to live with us when he was (2)...he's now "going on 10. Because of the current economic situation, son figured out that home was the best place to get back to his foundation and choose another path. Daughter & son-in-law (with a new grandson on the way) live about 900 miles away but visit as often as possible. We are an unusual group in terms of a traditional family.We don't necessarily fit the mold, but that's okay. We love to talk, debate, read books (debate books), challenge one another on opinions, try new experiences. But we are also a family who
love each other, support each other and commit ourselves to each other. It's complicated...but to us, family is essential and needs to be celebrated. 

No one deserves to be publically humiliated because their family doesn’t fit into somebody else’s domestic ideal. No child should ever be made to feel like the people who love them, cherish them, and support them are less than a family. If a certain domestic situation doesn’t fit your religious, political, or socio-economic model of what a family ought to look like … fine. Fair enough. The thing is that none of us have the right to denigrate people who love, respect, and care for each other. Loving homes — whatever their make up — make this world a better, safer place. 

Take a few moments today to pray for your family and while you do, think about the Holy Family (made up of a virgin, a celibate, and, well, God Incarnate). Make it a point to remember the dignity of each family you meet. Remember, you are absolutely and unequivocally unqualified to judge another family. Jesus said so. It’s your job to love. Love big. And have the humility to see God’s love reflected in a family that doesn’t look like your own.

Road trip with the parents....

An lovely piece about those who love us unconditionally...

...Back in the backseat — my dad still steady in the driver’s seat, my mom still at his side — I’m in the unique position of being able to see them from the perspectives of both adult and child. The only people, who, to this day, are interested in everything about me, for the simple fact that I am me. The people who showed me perfect goodness and unconditional love before I ever knew anything about pain and suffering. The people whose own love has been the entryway by which I’ve come to understand God’s love for me.

In the space between that teenage trip to the Magic Kingdom and this drive to northern Michigan I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to garner approval, esteem and love from a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons. I’ve run very fast, and oftentimes pushed very hard, always chasing words that began with “some”: I wanted to be “somebody,” make “something” of myself, and go “somewhere.” In the midst of all this, I’ve frequently forgotten that while the “cash and prizes” that life offers are nice and my parents are very proud of what I have done, there are no asterisks next to their love for me, no clauses, and no caveats. It’s pure and unconditional love, and it is the only place where I can begin to comprehend that mammoth crazy love that God has for me.

Read the whole story...

Princesses

For all of you Dads out there who are wrapped around the little finger of your "princess"  daughter, you are not alone!





Just in case you don't recognize the song...Arial sings it in "The Little Mermaid" a perennial "princess" favorite!

One of those people...

You know who I'm talking about...at least I hope your church has at least one among your congregation. One who makes your day brighter, just because you've been in her presence. Always has a smile on her face, a smile that encompasses her entire face. Descriptive words that come to mind...friendly, helpful, loving, creative...and a WONDERFUL cook!

There's an old saying that "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Last weekend she went back to her hometown to be a part of the community honoring her father...

a playground! Built in one day! What a lovely way to remember an obviously lovely man!

Don't they look like they're all having a blast?

 

Children & Words

laughter and learning....

If you've ever spent time with a little one, you know how absolutely adorable time like this can be. The sheer joy in the little one's laughter can't do anything but make you smile. 


If you ever doubt where our children learn...you need only watch a few seconds of this video. About half way through the little starts to pretend to sneeze in order to make his dad
laugh..children do what they see...

It's burden to be a role model but that's exactly what you are...grab the opportunity with both hands...it's worth it!

Unconditional love...

This is in no way an endorsement of a candidate...we don't do that here. It is the story of a family who loves and nurtures a child who has no way of reciprocating that love...

She is a font of love,” he said. “And she made me understand that that’s how the Father looks at me. I’m disabled and unable to ‘do’ anything for him — except love him. And he loves me unconditionally.”

Read the Santorum's story here...

3 Generations...

that, as of 2012, span 222 years.

 

President John Tyler was born in 1790, became President in 1841, married his second wife Julia Garndiner (30 years his junior) in 1844. They had 7 children together (added to the 8 he had with his previous wife!) Their son Lyon Gardiner Tyler, Sr. was born in 1853 (when his father was 63).

 

He married his second wife, Sue Ruffin, in 1923. His son

 

Lyon Gardiner Tyler, Jr was born in 1924, when his father was 71. He still lives in Virginia today at the age of 88. His brother,

Harrison Ruffin Tyler was born in 1928, when his father was 75. He still lives in Virginia today at the age of 84.

These 3 generations have born witness to:

The year the President was born (1790), George Washington gave his first State of the Union address and the French Revolution began. In the year his son, LG Tyler, Sr was born (1853), the Crimean War began and Levi Strauss was founded. In the year LG Tyler, Jr. was born (1924), Lenin died and Stalin took over dictatorship of Russia and MGM studios was founded in Los Angeles. When HR Tyler was born (1928), Mickey and Minnie Mouse debuted on film. Along with automobiles, airplanes, televisions, computers and the thousands of other inventions that make our lives what they are...

I never knew...

Jane Roe was not her real name...nor that she has had a change of heart...




But now I do...

Busy, busy, busy

Sorry there have been no posts for the last few days. My one and only grandson had a birthday this weekend and so we dedicated the entire time to him! After all, you only turn 8 once. Because he's still a child,  playtime is his favorite activity. All he wants from any of us is attention. Not constantly, but enough to reassure him that he is special.

It won't be long until he starts in to the pre-teen and teenage years. Those times have joys of their own but with each passing year I mourn "innocence lost". It's not that I expect him to become jaded but I do know he will begin to question, to doubt, to experiment. And with those things can come fear, anger and confusion.

Our prayer for him, as he starts this next year of his life...
That he always feel the Hand of God in his life,
That he never forgets that the voice in his head is actually the Holy Spirit helping him on his path.
We cannot shield him from the hurts that will come but pray that he is strong enough to weather the storm and come out on the other side, a better person.
And finally, that he will know that he is loved and cherished...forever.

Faith, Hope and Trust

Although I love seeing family and friends during the holiday season, sometimes it can get hectic to the point of being exhausting. Although I always start out the season with the intent to keep my eyes and heart focused on Advent and the coming of the King, most years I fail to follow through. Also, I am not one to make New Year's resolutions...like most everyone else, I find I have broken them before I've allowed them to become habit.

Now this is not meant to be a pity party. I thoroughly enjoyed being with those that we don't see often. I loved having children/grandchildren and others under our roof. We spent much time in fellowship and rest...we recharged ourselves together. Although, as I said, I didn't put the focus on Advent that I should have, I did spend time reading and meditating about Joseph. He gets very little credit within the Nativity story but played a large part. I wrote the following piece for our Church Newsletter:

 

During Advent we are called to spend time joyfully waiting for the birth of the Christ child. But hope is the key...it's why we are joyful in the first place! Joseph's life is a shining example of choosing to hope and to trust.

He's betrothed to a young woman named Mary. Only to find out she is pregnant. When he asks her why and how, Mary tells him the truth...God is the proverbial “other man” and she is carrying a divine child. Also, she's still a virgin! Now how do you think Joseph reacted? I can only assume he was perplexed to say the least. But, despite her strange excuses, he is generous in his decision to divorce

her quietly. This would spare her the wrath of a harsh penal system that frowned upon adulterers (as in stoning offense). But wait! Because of an angel in a dream, Joseph decides to stick by Mary. Jesus is born and raised by His parents to become the Savior of the world.

Think of it...what reason did he really have to believe he wasn't being “played”? Would you believe? Not only that, what kind of courage does it take to believe that you can be a father to God's only Son?

It is because he chose to hope. He chose to hope that Mary was telling the truth. He chose to hope he wasn't crazy when the angel appeared. He chose to hope that he would have whatever it took to be the father of Jesus. It was not logical...it was not rational...he just did it. Because he also chose to trust. I'm sure he was told that everything would be alright but there had to be doubt...somewhere, deep down. I'm sure he questioned the wisdom of the path he chose. Whether it was his love for Mary or his faith in God (or a combination), Joseph and Mary lived the first-ever Advent. He chose to be a husband, a father and a man of faith.

If you need an example of living the Advent season...look to Joseph.

 

So, even though the holidays are over and it's time to get back to the normal routine, it's never to late to spend time learning about the parents God chose for His Son.

Parenting in the here and now...

I would walk through a tunnel of fire if it would save my son. I would take my chances on a stripped battlefield with a sling and a rock à la David and Goliath if it would make a difference. But it won’t. I can roar all I want about the unfairness of this ridiculous disease, but the facts remain. What I can do is protect my son from as much pain as possible, and then finally do the hardest thing of all, a thing most parents will thankfully never have to do: I will love him to the end of his life, and then I will let him go. 

I read "Notes from a Dragon Mother" (an opinion piece in last weekends NY Times) about parents and a child with Tay-Sachs disease. Until this moment, I don't think I had even heard of this genetic disorder. But I have now. More importantly, I have heard the words of a woman who is far wiser and much stronger than I.

Although my children are grown and gone...grandson lives with us. He is well past the infant stage (he is 7) but some of the ideas she brings forth are applicable...

I will do all I can to encourage him in the world...provide swimming lessons and piano lessons and tap dancing and Cub Scouts...but not for what they can do for him in the future. Only for the pleasure and experience they can give him in the here and now. After witnessing her life in words, I don't think I will ever put the same emphasis on any extra curricular activity. I will follow her advice: "Parenting, I’ve come to understand, is about loving my child today. Now. In fact, for any parent, anywhere, that’s all there is."

Dear Sophie...

Having raised our own dear children, we are now helping to raise our one and only grandson...he is 7 now. Of course it seems like yesterday I was zipping down the highway to Jacksonville, FL...trying to make it in time for his birth. It's okay that he was scrubbed, diapered and swaddled by the time I got there...our first meeting was bliss. But time passes quickly and now we're into Cub Scouts and swimming and trucks and video games but he still has time for Nana and Papa...and for that we're thankful.

This is a commercial (of course)...but it says a lot about memories...

Happy Mother's Day...

Not home from the retreat yet...but had to post something to all the Mothers in our lives...whether we're able to see them face to face or merely remember them in our hearts, they touch us all.

A giraffe named George...

When we took our children to Florida on vacation for the very first time, we tried to pack in as much fun and adventure as possible. We planned to save Disney World for another trip. We stopped at Marine Land, stayed a couple of days in St. Augustine, a few more days in Daytona and then headed to Silver Springs (http://www.silversprings.com/cruises.html). Our day there was filled with rides on Glass Bottom boats, watching the alligators, the beautiful crystal clear water and various other sights. Just before we left, we decided to make a round and visit a few more animals.

My son was fascinated but rather small at the time so hubby perched him on his shoulders for a better view. It was perfect, he was just the right height to see it all. Unfortunately for hubby, a male giraffe named George must have thought they were just as interesting as he was to us. He wandered up to the fence to check out these two humans who looked like one.

They stood there for a few moments, almost face to face (son and George that is) just looking at each other. While son sat mesmerized, George decided he liked what he saw...and proceeded to lick my husband...from the base of his neck all the way to the top of his head. As he was holding on to son, there was nothing to do but stand there and take it.

Needless to say, covered in giraffe slobber and with the hair on one side of his head sticking straight up, hubby was not happy...but son was thrilled! You see, as George licked, son put out his hand and rubbed part of George's exceptionally long neck. How many children from our part of the world can say they've petted a giraffe? After a quick trip to the rest room to freshen up, all was well and hubby had decided it was worth the indignity. Our son's joy lasted the rest of the trip.

As time has passed and son began to realize what his Dad did for him that day it's taken on a different meaning. A source of ribbing for Dad but a source of love and pride for son. What a beautiful example of the lengths a father will go for a child.

Parenting

I have spent quite some time recently pondering parenthood. I can state with absolute confidence that my children grew up knowing that they are unique and loved...by us (their parents), their extended family, their church, their friends but first and foremost, by God. While we were far from perfect parents, we did the best we could to give them the confidence and wisdom they would need to be viable adults.

Children are a gift of God and as with every gift, there is responsibility. Parents have to be ready and willing to stand up with and for their children. But they must also be strong enough to be the authority in their child's life. We must have the confidence to say "no" even though it may hurt their feelings or make them angry. Children do not have the wisdom or experience to "be in charge". If we are not an example, how do they learn? If we only seek to be their friend, we do them great harm.

I cannot give you a fool proof formula for raising a child. Each child is different, each environment is different, each parent is different. There are hundreds if not thousands of books on the market that promise to give you the answers but there is no way that a book can know you and your child well enough to tell you how to raise them. The guidance that parents require comes from prayer and submission to God.

As they grew, my husband and I encouraged our children to think, to debate, to have an opinion. We had quite lively conversations at the dinner table each night. Now even though we worked to inspire them to think on their own, we did not leave them to their own devices. We reserved the right to veto those things we felt were harmful or wasteful. We guided them when we saw they were headed in what we felt was the wrong direction. And we pulled rank anytime we knew they had not looked at the big picture and were wrong in their decisions. We set boundaries that some of their friends felt were a little "too" strict. And there were expectations that were not allowed to be questioned. Although we wanted to encourage their individuality, they grew up knowing they had to answer to higher authority.

We (as parents) made a pact that we would never belittle them or their thoughts and opinions. As they grew older, they were allowed to make their own decisions about certain aspects of their lives...as long as we felt they had considered all the options. We did the best we could to teach them to think and consider how their actions will affect themselves and others.

Now that they are adults, they make their own decisions and don't need us...most of the time. But once in a while, the phone rings, a discussion begins and it brings joy to my heart to know that they still want and need our guidance. We must have done something right!

Fathers

I saw this on The Anchoress Online this morning...using her words...""A moving video for anyone who has had a good father." Perhaps an even more moving video for those whose fathers were broken, or deeply flawed or not there at all. When a child steps out and tries something risky and then falls, the mother is quick to run to him, console him and hug him close; she frets for him. The father is the one who says "I'm here if you fall, only do not be afraid." The child needs both."

How Children learn...

by Asbo Jesus

I know you can tell that Asbo Jesus' cartoons hit home with me...I've linked to several of them. He has a way of going straight to the point.

This one hurts....me. It breaks my heart to hear a parent talk to their child in this manner. And it happens, all too often. And then the parents wonder why the children grow up with low self esteem or worse, depression or even worse, taking their own lives.

While I know many parents grew up in abusive homes, it does not give them the right to perpetuate this behavior. Those who have felt the sting of criticism should have a clearer understanding of the repercussions. God charges us with loving and teaching the young ones in our lives. I cannot help but believe He will hold us accountable for each and every time we damage them. Mentally or physically. By the same token, He will bless us for providing them a nurturing environment..

Children don't come with "owner's manuals"...mainly because we don't own them. They belong to God, we are merely their caretakers...it is our privilege and duty.

Teach them well...

Cartoon by Asbo Jesus

We are charged by God to raise whatever children come into our lives. He demands that we teach them according to the truths we know...even if we are still in the midst of the search. Unfortunately children do not just learn our truths, they also learn our faults and failures. As scary as this all sounds, we can have confidence that if our hearts are filled with love and our mouths are filled with God's truth, He can fill in the blanks. We are called to be the parents but He is Father to us all.