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I am as guilty as the next...
This is worth 5 minutes of your time...

The Beauty of Shyness

 

There is something beautiful about shyness, even though in our culture shyness is not considered a virtue.  On the contrary, we are encouraged to be direct, look people straight in the eyes, tell them what is on our minds, and share our stories without a blush.

But this unflinching soul-baring, confessional attitude quickly becomes boring.  It is like trees without shadows.  Shy people have long shadows, where they keep much of their beauty hidden from intruders' eyes.  Shy people remind us of the mystery of life that cannot be simply explained or expressed.  They invite us to reverent and respectful friendships and to a wordless being together in love.

Henri Nouwen

I have a couple of very important people in my life that could be called "shy" by this definition. Although they are steadfast in their beliefs, they don't feel the need to share their life story with everyone. The longer I know them, the more I realize we have just barely dipped into the "well" that is their story and it is beautiful to behold! I am blessed that they choose to share with me...

Introverts

We all know one (or more) or perhaps you are one...whatever the situation, these are people who are worth getting to know. But there are rules:

Friends

Society does go overboard in assigning human attributes to animals. Most of God's creatures do not understand the concept of friendship but I do believe He gave them an instinct to help one another...

Honesty

Being with a friend in great pain is not easy.  It makes us uncomfortable.  We do not know what to do or what to say, and we worry about how to respond to what we hear.  Our temptation is to say things that come more out of our own fear than out of our care for the person in pain.  Sometimes we say things like "Well, you're  doing a lot better than yesterday," or "You will soon be your old self again," or "I'm sure you will get over this."  But often we know that what we're saying is not true, and our friends know it too.

We do not have to play games with each other.  We can simply say:  "I am your friend, I am happy to be with you."   We can say that in words or with touch or with loving silence.  Sometimes it is good to say:  "You don't have to talk.  Just close your eyes.  I am here with you, thinking of you, praying for you, loving you."
                                                                              Henri Nouwen

Sustainable Marriage...

I was reading an article in the NY Times about marriage...(See The Happy Marriage is the "Me" Marriage)

Having just celebrated our 33rd anniversary, my husband and I often discuss what has been/is important to us in the relationship. Invariably communication is one of the first items mentioned. We both feel that if we can spend time together discussing an issue or a problem, we can get through it without hurting one another. We are, first and foremost, friends. Strength of character along with absolute trust and support are off shoots of our friendship. While all 33 years have not been a walk in the park, there have been very few bad times and we have never had to "work" at our marriage. My wish for my children is that they too can find spouses who will be their life long friend.

If you wonder where you stand in your relationship, take the quiz here.

May your relationships, whatever form they take, be as fulfilling as ours has been!

No more BFF?

New York Times

How sad...it's a fact of life that children are forced into more and more mature situations at younger and younger ages. Must we take away their friends too?

BFF

For those of you who understand cyber-speak, you know that BFF means Best Friends Forever...I think I just found the definition.

Friends?

I've thought for quite some time now that technology is speeding along at a pace that we cannot handle. Before we have the ability to understand one piece, another has taken it's place. Many would see the video above and say "Wow! How cool is that?", I have to wonder. Cell phones, chat rooms, facebook, etc. have already started to isolate us from each other. Face to face dialogue is almost a thing of the past.

What frightens me most about "Milo" is his ability to pull us yet further away from one another. Why bother with people? Why invest in someone who might ultimately hurt your feelings? Never mind the joy and comfort that a friend can bring into your life...I can picture a young person (or not so young person) who struggles with interpersonal skills loving this. Can't you just see them? Sitting alone in their room...in front of a monitor, wiling away the hours with a cyber friend?

My, oh my, I have to ponder this one...

For Good

There was a time I felt compelled to put my own interpretation on every video I posted...I've shown the words of the song they are singing below...I think they speak for themselves. If we can all say we've had one such relationship...it would be good. By the way, this is from the play "Wicked"...it's well worth seeing!



FOR GOOD

Glinda: I've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason,
bringing something we must learn,
and we are led
to those who help us most to grow
if we let them, and we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
but I know I'm who I am today,
because I knew you.

Glinda: Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes a sun.
Like a stream that meets a boulder half way through the woods.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
but, because I knew you,
I have been changed for good.

Elphaba: It well may be,
that we will never meet again, in this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
so much of me
is made from what I've learned from you.
You'll be with me like a hand print on my heart.
And now what ever way our stories end,
I know you have rewritten mine,
by being my friend.

Elphaba: Like a ship blown from its moorings, by a wind of the sea.
Like a seed dropepd by a sky bird in a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But, because I knew you

Glinda: Because I knew you

Elphaba and Glinda: I have been changed for good.

Elphaba: And just to clear the air,
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for.
Glinda: But then, I guess
We know there's blame to share.
Elphaba and Glinda: And none of it seems to matter anymore...

Elphaba and Glinda: Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better
Glinda: And, because I knew you,
Elphaba: Because I knew you
Elphaba and Glinda: Because I knew you
I have been changed... for good.

Hugs...

We all know them...the "Huggers"...those people who, regardless of how long it's been since you've seen them (5 minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks), will reach out and hug you. It's their way of greeting. In my life, the hugger is normally a woman and it is simply her way of saying hello. Most of the time it's very gratifying to be hugged. It means that someone is interested enough in you to demonstrate to anyone looking that they care for you.

I've always been one to stand back, rarely initiating the hug unless it's a relative or very close friend. When my husband and I married, I was warmly accepted into his family by all. Sisters, brothers, mother, father all greet me with hugs and kisses! After growing up in a family that wasn't very demonstrative, it was a little culture shock but I must say, I love it!

Seems like the times, they are a'changing...according to the NY Times, this has become a common greeting amongst the young people. I know, I know, we have to be concerned about unwanted touching but it seems we should not just dismiss this outright, is it really a problem to greet one another with a hug? Take a couple of minutes to read the article...

Friendships

One of the best gifts that friends give us is the joy of being accepted and loved just the way we are. They don't ask us to change because truth be told, it was our uniqueness that drew us together in the first place. Friends make us feel good about ourselves. Laughter from tears is just one of the ways they show their love.

Friends are companions who walk with us through life...sometimes walking along side, sometimes leading, sometimes following and sometimes even carrying us. They often act as mirrors by reflecting back who we are and what they see in us. Their actions allow us to grow into who we want to be.

I pray each of you has at least one of these friends...

Conversation and Communion...

Prayer is more than conversation. Entering a close walk with God will sometimes call for words and sometimes for a simple enjoyment of presence. In silent, contemplative prayer I simply rest in God. Moving beyond verbal conversation, I move into quiet communion.

As a relationship deepens, we no longer need many words to enjoy each other’s company. In an intimate relationship, two people value each other’s presence, sometimes with words, sometimes in silence.

Bringing secrets to light...

We all have our secrets: thoughts, memories, feelings that we keep to ourselves. Often we think, "If people knew what I feel or think, they would not love me." These carefully kept secrets can do us much harm. They can make us feel guilty or ashamed and may lead us to self-rejection, depression, and even suicidal thoughts and actions.

One of the most important things we can do with our secrets is to share them in a safe place, with people we trust. When we have a good way to bring our secrets into the light and can look at them with others, we will quickly discover that we are not alone with our secrets and that our trusting friends will love us more deeply and more intimately than before. Bringing our secrets into the light creates community and inner healing. As a result of sharing secrets, not only will others love us better but we will love ourselves more fully.
Henri Nouwen

Friend

“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.” Henri Nouwen

I am blessed to have a couple of friends like this...but along with these glorious attributes, they also know when to push, when to ask questions and help me grow. I love you for who and what you are!

True Friendship

We usually think of friends as people with whom we have something in common, yet true friends help us grow in a positive way. Friendships can be a wonderful part of life, but they also can be dangerous if they are based on the wrong things. When a relationship is based on violence, drugs, illegal activities, gossip, cruel behavior or other harmful things, is that really a friendship--or is it just a mutually beneficial arrangement?

Herod and Pilate did not become "friends" until after Jesus' death. They actually hated each other before they discovered a common bond--a bond that stemmed from their participation in the crucifixion of Jesus. Was theirs a true friendship?

It is very easy to have a destructive relationship, especially if you see some benefit in it. But ask yourself this question: In the long run, where will it lead me? Think about it...

The Know-it-All

Most of us know people who can rightfully be called a "Know-it-All". This person seems to know everything about anything and tends to dominate the conversation. They don't like being questioned and NEVER admit when they are wrong.

Being around this type of person can be tiring because nothing is shared between the two of you. In conversation, you will become the audience so that they can be the center of attention. Respect and attention are two things this type of person wants desperately and this is the only way they know to get them. In their minds, if we stand back and allow them to monopolize the conversation, it's obviously because they know so much more than the rest of us. It couldn't possibly be because no one can get a word in edgewise!

If you look underneath their mask of confidence you may well see fear. They tend to be afraid of listening to another. They mistakenly believe that if they're not speaking, people will think they are not smart and as long as they are in control, you cannot ask questions they can't answer. Even though it is ridiculous to believe that any one person could know everything there is to know in the world, they truly feel they must know the most or they don't measure up.

Although most of us tend to try to avoid the "Know-it-All" recognizing their fear may compel you to compassion and friendship. Recognizing their need and offering your friendship could well open their heart and give you the chance to contribute. Over time, with much patience and work, your friendship can become a two way street.